Skunk-Like Aura
by Marshmallow Fudge Up
Summary: This is crack. . . And crack is whack, kids. Has OCs, and weird stuff. Enjoy. Written for meh Biffle/Bff/wutI'mNotaWeirdo/SapphireBlueEyes7799. Derp.


**For my bby Otaku bbf biffle bish like wut?  
Oh um, this explains some things Sapphy =3=  
And um, I dun own VOCALOID, or Sapphire. **

**I do own Mallow and myself, thx very much :3**

Sapphire sighed, strolling along the sidewalk. The sun beat down on her head, making her curly, coco brown hair heat up. She could almost hear the sun rays sizzle on the blacktop beside her. It was freaking _hawt _out this particular summer day.

She was grumbling incoherent words under her breath, occasionally wiping sweat off her forehead and pushing up her slipping glasses. More than once she grabbed at her cracked phone and stared at it intensely, and each time she did she looked even more pissed off than before.

She recalled the text she got from Kaito:

Elp. Att MalowTyed up. Ned helpej owed ccccccccccccccc8963T*&Y%T^$

Sapphire got mad all over again. The message was obviously one for help, and because Mallow's name was in it (MalowTyed up), she was getting involved. Not to mention Kaito was very close to her- similar to a brother.

Finally reaching her destination (she figured here was the best place to start), Sapphire stormed up the pathway to the entrance. Although her face was passive, there was lightning in her blue eyes.

She knocked politely, and waited five minutes.

...No answer. A scowl started to set on her face.

"Hello?" She called loudly, tapping harder.

...No one came. Sapphire glared at the door like it was it's fault (which it probably was). "HEY! IF SOMEONE DOESN'T COME NOW I'MMA KICKING THIS DOOR DOWN!" She yelled, eyes spanning the house.

...Nada. "ALRIGHTY THEN!" Sapphire shouted, and in her head she started to count.

_One ..._

_Two ..._

_Three ..._

_Four ..._ The tall girl started to back away from the door.

_Five ..._

_Six ..._

_Eight ..._

_Ten ..._

(nine ate seven and was sentence to jail on account of cannibalism).

"CHAAARRRRGE!" And the door was forced open. Sapphire wiggled her shoulder experimentally. Pfft, it was _fine_.

"Heeeellllllloooo~?" She called out into the house. Her voice bounced off the walls. "Bakaaaaiiiitoooo-niii~? Maaaaallllllloooooow-neeee~?"

... She distantly heard a moaning.

_Da fudge. They better not be doing the naughty. _Sapphire thought, her face twisting in disgust.

She slowly climbed the stairs (wut? She was tired with heat stroke from her walk to Mallow's house). "MALLLLLOOOOW~" Sapphire called louder, projecting her voice, on the last step. There was an odd shuffling in one of the guest rooms. Sapphire started shuffling towards it once she had conquered the last step.

"Mallow? Kaito?" Sapphire called again.

...

She hesitantly opened the door. The stench hit her at once. "Uggh, it smells like a mother fudging skunk pooped and then ate it and then threw it up." She groaned, pinching her nose.

There was muffled noise within the room.

Getting over her sense of smell, Sapphire peered into the room and her sapphire gaze widened in shock at what she saw.

"Ohmergawd wut the H.E double hickey stick?!"

Kaito was tied to the bed with his scarf, melted, old and cottage-like ice cream dripped all over his body, except his mouth, which was stuffed with marshmallows. He was completely naked, save for the panties he was wearing (which were Miku's). He had a phone near his unbounded foot.

Len was on the couch near the bed, also bounded. He was wearing a banana suit, with an assortment of spices next to his feet. His mouth was also filled to the brim with marshmallows.

They both made "merffpphh" noises when they caught sight of Sapphire.

"What in the world _happened_ to you two?!" She demanded, quickly stepping into the room. Both boys had tears of relief in their eyes as they stared at her. "I'm gonna get you guys out of here, and once I do you better tell me what happened to you guys. And also what happened to Mallow,"

They both nodded, before their eyes went huge. The "merpffhh" noises turned desperate.

"What is it?" Sapphire asked, alarmed.

"Sapppppppphhhhhhhhiiiiiiirrrrrreeee,"

She spun around to where she heard the noise, over in the right corner.

"M-Mallow?" She stuttered in shock.

Mallow was crouched there, her already wavy hair wildly untamed and dirty. She had a dark aura encasing her, and hazel eyes sparked from spread strands of brown.

She coughed, reaching out with chipped, pink nails.

"S-Sapph-nee," Mallow said almost desperately. "Help me~"

Sapphire came closer, still in shock. "How?" She asked, cautious.

"I have-" She gasped in a breath, her eyes rolling back in her head a little before coming back to lock onto her best friend. "I have-"

"What? You have what? Cancer? AIDS? STDs?" Sapphire listed off, starting to get slightly annoyed. She hated drama.

"I have. . . _author's block_." Mallow said dramatically, arms flailing as she wailed.

...

"What?" Sapphire asked in disbelief.

"Help me~" Mallow whined, tears tracking here dirty face. "Oh wait, I got it!" She cried out in joy.

And suddenly the room was normal, non-smelling and the boys were fine.

Mallow was back to her normal marshmallow state, and she was once again a cheerful idiot.

"Len~" Kaito cried.

"Onii-san!" Len exclaimed.

And they had a smexy full kiss with tongue and saliva and the girls watched on in perverse delight.

And then Rin and Meiko died.

The end.

"WHAT? YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT!" Sapphire protested, somehow breaking the forth wall.

I blinked.

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

"Just because you're the author doesn't mean you control everyone!" Sapphire protested. Mallow nodded in agreement. Len and Kaito were still having a gay-hot-smexy-yaoi-uke/seme- shota-mater make out session.

"Um. Yeah I can." I shrugged, crossing my arms over my boobs. Damn, these things are annoying. They jiggle when I move and I can't do _anything_ without them being in the way.

.

.

.

...

"Who says?!"

"... I do. I'm the author/narrator. And I just made this in first point of view." I smirked. She glared.

I admit I was a little terrified of it. However I wouldn't give in. I liked screwing things around.

"Give me my shota!" She demanded.

"Now why don't you go-"

"Uh guys. . " Mallow interrupted us. "Kaito just made Len loose his virginity."

"DAMMIT SAPPHIRE YOU MADE ME MISS IT!" I whined, stomping my feet. She stuck her nose up.

"You're wrong Mallow, he already gave his up to me." She said.

Mallow coughed. "Uhh, I meant in a gay way." She twiddled her thumbs.

"Damn it, I was gonna do that next Tuesday." She blinked at her own words. "HEY! Narrator-sama, why'd you make me say that!?" I snickered.

"I felt like it." *shrugs*

Sapphire glared. "What, now you're not going to use proper grammar?" She guessed.

"No_p_e." I denied, "It was just a sper of the moment type of thing." Sapphire sighed. I giggled insanely.

"Look, author-sama. Can you please just keep the plot the way it was, with Len with Sapphire and Kaito with me?" Mallow begged, giving me the puppy eyes.

. . .

"Why should I?" I asked, debating it internally.

"You know, we can here all your internal thoughts, author-sama, since it's in your point of view. . . " Sapphire pointed out blandly.

Oh fudge, did that mean she knew about that time when that water bottle got stuck on my-

"Yes, I do." She deadpanned. I paled.

"I'll do whatever you say, just don't tell anyone!" I cried. She smirked, triumphed. I shrank to chibi form.

"Alright, then make it like Mallow stated."

"OKAY!" I yelled happily, and waved my magic wand~~

.

.

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The. . . End ? o.o

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Don't forget kids, crack is whack, and always wear a condom ;)


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